MeandMarj: All the animals...

Alison: Grandmother, how is the rabbit?
Grandmother: All the animals are just fine!

Meandmarj: Do you have a key?

Alison: Okay, I'm back to DC to get it all ready for your arrival!
Grandmother: Do you know where to go?
Alison: Yes, Grandmother! I live there!
Grandmother: Do you have a key?
Alison: Yes! I live there :)

Meandmarj: A pet rat?

After a weekend at Grandmother's with her pet rabbit, Louise tests Grandmother's memory...

Louise: Grandmother, what type of pet do I have?
Grandmother: A pet mouse?
Louise: No, a little bigger.
Grandmother: A pet rat?
Louise: A pet rat!?! No! But it does start with an "r"!
Grandmother: A rabbit?

MeandMarj: How old do you feel?

Louise: Grandmother, how old do you feel?
Grandmother: About 200!

MeandMarj: Who's boob business is this?

In New Orleans for Christmas, in the hotel room, and a bra is on the chair...

Grandmother: Who's boob business is this?

MeandMarj: What does the "A" stand for?

Alison: Look at these nice mugs! Aren't they great? Steve's brother and sister-in-law gave them to me for Christmas!
Grandmother: What does the "A" stand for?
Alison: What do you think?
Grandmother: Hmmmm...Anne!
Alison: Your middle name? Anything else?
Grandmother: Alison?
Alison: Perfect! One for you and one for me :)

Meandmarj: I'm still here!

Alison: Grandmother, how are you?
Grandmother: I'm still here!

MeandMarj: By yourself?

Alison: Okay, I'm going to Philadelphia.
Grandmother: When?
Alison: After work.
Grandmother: How are you getting there?
Alison: Driving.
Grandmother: At night? By yourself?
Alison: Yes...I've done it before. I think I'll be okay!

MeandMarj: There's nothing wrong with the French!

Alison: Should I have a glass of wine with lunch?
Grandmother: You should celebrate!
Alison: Well, the French have wine at lunch...
Grandmother: And there's nothing wrong with the French!

MeandMarj: Don't forget to turn that thing off!

Grandmother: Goodnight!
Alison: Goodnight, sleep well!
Grandmother: Don't forget to turn that thing off!
Alison: Okay!

MeandMarj: Yeah, but I need two of them!

Grandmother: See? This lampshade is ruined because of the heat.
Alison: Well, I'll get you one for Christmas!
Grandmother: Yeah, but I need two of them!
Alison: Okay, I'll get you two.
Grandmother: But they're expensive!

MeandMarj: I don't think so!

Alison: Which painting do you like best?

Grandmother: I like the bottles...
Alison: Oh, the wine bottles! Do you want to keep it?
Grandmother: I don't know what I would do with it.
Alison: You could put it above the sofa instead of this painting....

Grandmother: I don't think so!

MeandMarj: Grass is cheaper!

Alison: Hey!
Grandmother: Grass is cheaper!
Alison: What?
Grandmother: You said, "hay", but grass is cheaper!

MeandMarj: It blows my brains out!

Grandmother: Let's go to the pro shop and see what they have!
Alison: You want golf supplies? I'll show you golf supplies....

I show Grandmother the internet site, tgw.com (The Golf Warehouse)

Grandmother: Well, what about a book?
Alison: You want books? Amazon.com.
Grandmother: Clothes?
Alison: Talbots.com! See, Grandmother, you can buy anything you want online! Isn't online shopping great? We can sit right in your living room and order everything we need online!
Grandmother: It blows my brains out!

MeandMarj: I don't want it to die on my watch!

Alison: Uh oh, my computer is about to die.
Grandmother: How do you know?
Alison: Do you see the blinking battery light in the lower right hand corner?
Grandmother: Oh yes, better not let it die! I don't want it to die on my watch!

MeandMarj: He's not tied up with you!

Grandmother: Where's Steve?
Alison: He's in New York city tonight with a friend.
Grandmother: What kind of friend? Male or female?
Alison: Grandmother, if he was with a female friend, we would have a problem!
Grandmother: Why? He's not tied up with you!
Alison: That's true, but if he's with other females, then I should be spending time with other males!
Grandmother: Well...

MeandMarj: All they can do is run!

While watching the World Ironman Championships...

Grandmother: These stupid women! They probably can't even make a dress or sew a hem! All they can do is run!
Alison: Grandmother, this is the greatest physical challenge they will ever undertake!
Grandmother: So?

MeandMarj: What do rabbits like?

Louise's rabbit is named, "Beatrice"...

Alison: What else can we get Beatrice for Christmas?
Grandmother: I don't know.
Alison: Well, what do rabbits like?
Grandmother: Other rabbits!
Alison: Ha! Should we get another rabbit?

MeandMarj: July 1984!

MeandMarj: I don't know, they just liked me!

Alison: What is this stack of letters? Oh my! A love letter!?! "Darling, I miss you so much. I'm staring at your beautiful picture but not as beautiful as you, this awful cardboard thing! At least we are only 2500 miles apart and not 3000. I love you dearly!"
Grandmother: Not a bad love letter, eh?
Alison: This is fabulous! One beau, two beau, three beaus! How many beaus did you have?!?

Grandmother: I had a few...
Alison: How did you get these guys to fall in love with you?
Grandmother: I don't know, they just liked me!

MeandMarj: I'm coming! I'm coming!

Alison: Good Morning! It's a beautiful day! Time for breakfast!
Grandmother: Okay.
Alison: Grandmother, it doesn't sound like you are getting up.
Grandmother: Nope.
Alison: Don't you want breakfast?
Grandmother: Alright, I'm coming! I'm coming!

MeandMarj: Eat your breakfast!

Alison: Grandmother, this is so exciting! There is an article about Revolution Growth! And I used to work for Exclusive Resorts, another company Steve Case invested in! 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/case-and-leonsis-launch-revolution-growth-fund/2011/11/30/gIQAmct7EO_gallery.html#photo=1

As I start reading the article out loud...

Grandmother: You better eat your breakfast.
Alison: Oh! But don't you find this fascinating? This wonderful opportunity for entrepreneurial growth in the DC area?
Grandmother: Nope. Eat your breakfast!

MeandMarj: How goes it?

Grandmother: Comment ça va?
Alison: What?
Grandmother: Comment ça va?
Alison: Ah, ça va bien, et vous?
Grandmother: That means, "How goes it?"

MeandMarj: Guest Blogger, Cousin Tory: I just love seeing you be so domestic!

Fans, Friends, and Family:

It is without further ado I introduce our very first Guest Blogger! Yes, its true, Marj's very own sister has a granddaughter (two actually) - lots of women in our family :-) She has graciously shared one of her stories with us:

“I just love seeing you be so domestic”

Hi there, readers and loyal followers of MeandMarj! Alison has agreed to let me, her cousin, Tory, have the pleasure of being a guest blogger on MeandMarj today. I am thrilled to have the honor! 

My sister, Alex, and I were delighted to have a cousin reunion with Alison and her sister, Louise, this weekend. Alex and I stayed at Marj and Alison’s Alexandria pad on Friday evening on our way back from Thanksgiving at my grandparents’ house in Williamsburg, VA.

Before I dive right in, I should put this blog post in context: my grandmother, Priscilla, is Marj’s younger sister. And, as you might expect, my grandmother also has the “feisty gene” that Marj has, which is exemplified by the startling, one-line zingers and hilarious stories that Alison features on her blog. 

My grandmother’s feisty gene emerged at a very young age. When Priscilla was very young—she guessed about five years old—her father’s mother came to visit for awhile. Apparently Priscilla’s grandmother was not a very pleasant woman, and on one particular day, Priscilla’s mother was sitting in the kitchen with her mother-in-law (Priscilla’s grandmother). As my grandmother remembers, her grandmother was critiquing Priscilla’s mother very harshly, telling her that she didn’t know how to keep a house and so on. Well, Priscilla got so angry that she marched into her room, grabbed her toy broom, returned to the kitchen, scolded her grandmother, saying “Don’t talk to my nice mommy like that!” and walloped her grandmother across the shoulder with her broom!

Priscilla (or “Grandmommy”), like Marj, is an old-fashioned lady. She only likes my hair down, scoffs whenever I wear pants (jeans are simply out of the question!) and has on several occasions inquired how my hope chest is coming along. (Apparently a hope chest is a box in which women used to collect their best crocheting and sewing samples to show a potential husband.) Grandmommy has, over the years, gradually accepted that I am no Renaissance woman, and I’m happy to report that she still loves me for me. However, Priscilla definitely still clings to her hope that I will one day become a proper lady like herself.

This weekend, Grandmommy helped me sew elbow patches onto one of my sweaters that had actually developed holes in the elbows. While she was heating up soup on the stove, Grandmommy turned to where I sat sewing in the kitchen, got a little choked up and, in a serious tone, said, “I just love seeing you be so domestic.”

I’ll admit, it was a pretty touching moment. But that is one compliment I would be happy not to receive again!

MeandMarj: I'm not watching, I'm looking.

Dad: It's painful to watch this game.
Grandmother: Turn it off. I'm not watching it.
Dad: You are watching it right now.
Grandmother: I'm not watching, I'm looking.
Alison: What's the difference between watching or looking?
Grandmother shrugs...

MeandMarj: Speak up or forever...

Grandmother: Does everyone have something to drink?
Everyone: Yes, we do!
Grandmother: Speak now, or forever hold your whatever!

MeandMarj: Aw, heck!

Alison: Good morning!
Grandmother: What time is it? What day is it?
Alison: It's Tuesday, 7:10 am.
Grandmother: Tuesday? You have to go to work?
Alison: Yup!
Grandmother: Aw, heck!

MeandMarj: We start with what we start with!

Alison: We need to make our grocery list!
Grandmother: Well, we start with what we start with!

MeandMarj: Louise arrives!

Alison: Grandmother, aren't you excited? Louise will be here Wednesday!
Grandmother: Yes, we can hear all about how she enjoys cutting people open!
Alison: Hahaha, exactly!
Grandmother: You know, it's all because I taught her how to sew.
Alison: Definitely!

MeandMarj: The drive home...

Alison: Grandmother, it took me an hour and 40 minutes to get home tonight!
Grandmother: What!?
Alison: Yes, the traffic was awful.
Grandmother: Isn't there an attractive young man who lives next door who can pick you up and take you to work?
Alison: Better yet, who had a helicopter so we wouldn't have to sit in traffic!

MeandMarj: They need to see how much taller he's grown!

Alison: So exciting! Thanksgiving is only a couple of days away!
Grandmother: Where will Steve sleep?
Alison: He won't be here. He'll be in Pittsburgh.
Grandmother: Oh, that's right, to be with his family.
Alison: Yes, I think they want to see him too!
Grandmother: They want to see how much taller he's grown - The Tall Man!

MeandMarj: This was my house.

Grandmother: See? This was my house. I made this.

Alison: Grandmother! That's impressive! How did you do it? You designed it?
Grandmother: I took a snapshot and then chose the colors and needle pointed it. It was a beautiful house - built in 1818.
Alison: Wow, how about this house?
Grandmother: The house I'm living in?
Alison: Yes, this one.
Grandmother: This is a new house - it was built in the 1960s or so...
Alison: When did you live there?
Grandmother: Oh gosh, we lived there for awhile when your dad first retired from the Navy.
Alison: You mean Grandpa?
Grandmother: Yes, I am trying to figure out, why did we go to Providence, Rhode Island? I used to walk two blocks to the art museum and it was a good art museum. I was a docent there.
Alison: Did you like it?
Grandmother: I enjoyed it. See, this was our neighbor's house - they were alright...not exactly my type. We had these pretty lilacs. My office was right in the window at the top of the stairs in the hallway, looking out onto the street. We had a nice big dining room.
Alison: Sounds fabulous.
Grandmother: It was a pretty house.

MeandMarj: Can you imagine running for 2 hours?

Alison: Tomorrow is my big race! 13.1 miles!
Grandmother: That's crazy!
Alison: Can you imagine running for 2 hours?
Grandmother: Why would I want to?

MeandMarj: We need a new toaster!

Alison: Grandmother, we really need a new toaster!
Grandmother: It's only 25 years old.
Alison: But Grandmother, every time you toast something, you never know if it will be charred or lightly toasted. It's extremely inconsistent!
Grandmother: But it still works!
Alison: But that's its job - to toast things perfectly the first time around. So it isn't working!
Grandmother: Oh well.

MeandMarj: No oatmeal?

Grandmother: Did you have your breakfast?
Alison: Yes, I did! An English muffin.
Grandmother: No oatmeal?
Alison: Not today.
Grandmother: Why not?
Alison: I decided to spice up my life!
Grandmother chuckles away...

MeandMarj: Your legs are black!

Grandmother: Are you headed to work?
Alison: Yes.
Grandmother: Do you know your legs are black?
Alison: Yes, I'm wearing pantyhose.

MeandMarj: Well, if you want to make any money!

Alison: Well, I guess I should go to work.
Grandmother: Well, if you want to make any money, that's a good idea!

MeandMarj: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

Grandmother: Don't stay up too late.
Alison: I won't, I need to get up at 4:40.
Grandmother: Why?

Alison: To go running.
Grandmother: Oh, come on!
Alison: Okay, good night.
Grandmother: Good night! Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

MeandMarj: It's better to be a surprise!

Grandmother: Whatcha doing?
Alison: Checking the weather. Don't you want to see what the weather is going to be?
Grandmother: No, it's better to be a surprise!

MeandMarj: But, I'm American!

Grandmother: What is this?
Alison: Tomato and mozzarella. It's my favorite!
Grandmother: You really like this?
Alison: Yes, its delicious! It's Italian. We are having an Italian-themed dinner tonight: Caprese salad and pizza!
Grandmother: But I'm American, and I don't like it!

MeandMarj: Well, thats no fun!

Laying in Grandmother's bed, watching the game...

Alison: Are you watching this?
Grandmother: No, but don't you want to?
Alison: Yes, but I can go downstairs and watch it.
Grandmother: Well, that's no fun!

MeandMarj: All right, I'm coming! Shut up!

The phone is ringing and Grandmother is rushing to the kitchen....

Grandmother: All right, I'm coming! Shut up!

MeandMarj: I like it cut in half-cross ways.

Alison: How about a grilled cheese sandwich?
Grandmother: That sounds good.
Alison: Here you go!
Grandmother: I like my sandwiches cut in half-cross ways, too.
Alison: Okay, here you go...how's this?
Grandmother: Perfect. This kitchen has good service.
Alison: Anything else I can get you?
Grandmother: No, this is great.
Alison: How about a glass of milk?
Grandmother: Yes, please.
Alison: How's your lunch?
Grandmother: Perfect!

MeandMarj: What on earth happened to this?

This note was waiting for me when I got home...I made the bread this morning....

MeandMarj: I thought that's what the morning was for!

Grandmother: Can I go up now?
Alison: But Grandmother, I just got home, won't you sit with me for a little bit?
Grandmother: But it's 10 after 8. It's past my bedtime!
Alison: But Grandmother, this is special time!
Grandmother: I thought that's what the morning was for!

MeandMarj: I don't know what happened to those rolls!

On the phone...
Grandmother: Hello?
Alison: Good Morning! It's Alison, I'm calling from the basement. Want to meet me in the kitchen for breakfast?
Grandmother: I guess so, since I'm already awake.
Alison: Great! See you there!

From the top of the stairs...
Grandmother: Are you down there?
Alison: Yes, I'm on my way up. Did you eat a roll?
Grandmother: I tried to, but I don't know what happened to those rolls!
Alison: Let me try one.
Grandmother: That's the one I was eating!
Alison: But you just said you couldn't eat it. It's alright....
Grandmother: What are you going to do with them?
Alison: Take them to the potluck.
Grandmother: Oh no! You can't do that!
Alison: What can I do with them? Give them to the homeless person on the street?
Grandmother: That would be an insult!
Alison: Well, I'm taking them with me and I'll get rid of them.
Grandmother: What are you going to do? Throw them out of your window along the way?
Alison: Ha! Maybe just that!
Grandmother: I never learned to cook. I just watched the cooks and learned. See, Dora used to take three bunches of the dough and bake the rolls so when they were done, you could pull them apart. These don't look like Dora's rolls!

MeandMarj: I guess so, I was asleep.

Alison: Good Morning! Did you sleep well?
Grandmother: I guess so, I was asleep. Did you?
Alison: I slept really well, except I woke up at 2:30 and thought it was time to get up! But then, I realized I had 2 more hours so then I slept until 4:40 and got up for my run. We ran across the Wilson bridge.
Grandmother: Oh, that's terrible!
Alison: Why?
Grandmother: It just is!

MeandMarj: You are driving by yourself? But it's dark out!

Alison: Grandmother, it's Alison! How are you?
Grandmother: I'm doing fine. Where are you calling from?
Alison: Bethesda, I'm just leaving work.
Grandmother: On your way home?
Alison: No, I'm driving up to Philadelphia now.
Grandmother: But it's dark out!
Alison: I know. It gets dark so early!
Grandmother: Is Steve driving?
Alison: No, Grandmother. I'm going to visit him so I'm driving to see him.
Grandmother: By yourself? That whole way?
Alison: Yes, its not far and I'll be back on Monday.
Grandmother: Will Steve drive you back?
Alison: No, he has to go to work in Pennsylvania. I'll drive back by myself. But I've done it before, I can do it.
Grandmother: You are such a capable woman! Be careful!
Alison: I will!

MeandMarj: Me, Myself and I...

Grandmother: If it's alright with you, I'm going to go up.
Alison: Then I'll be lonely down here by myself!
Grandmother: You can spend time with your, "me, myself and I"!

MeandMarj: What a hefty breakfast!

I have an egg and an English muffin on my plate, and Grandmother has an egg and a piece of toast on hers...
Grandmother: Wow, what a hefty breakfast!
Alison: Well, I ran 5 miles this morning! I need a hearty breakfast. You know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Grandmother: Oh really? It is?
Alison: Well, it's good to have eggs for protein and sustenance throughout the day.
Grandmother: Well, you're going to get fat, eating all that!

MeandMarj: Ooooh, we are having a party!

The dinner table is set for the Halloween dinner party and Grandmother walks into the dining room while I'm in the kitchen...

Grandmother: Ooooh, we are having a party! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 people... Oh, what fun!
Alison: Yes, we are! Tomorrow night is the big Halloween party!
Grandmother: Can I watch?
Alison: Of course, Grandmother you are the main attraction!
Grandmother: I wouldn't want to bore anyone.
Alison: Of course, you wouldn't! Look at the bowls I'm using...
Grandmother: Oh wow!
Alison: Now, if you are overcome with the desire to carve pumpkins today, by all means, don't hold yourself back.
Grandmother: I wouldn't want to mess it up. You may not like the way I do it...
Alison: I doubt that!

MeandMarj: Sue 'em!

Alison: Oh, Grandmother, I don't feel so well.
Grandmother: What's wrong?
Alison: I was really sick last night. I think I ate something bad.
Grandmother: What do you think it was?
Alison: I think it was fast food.
Grandmother: Well sue 'em!
Alison: What?
Grandmother: That's what everyone does these days, isn't it?

MeandMarj: That's a bunch of bullshit!

Alison: Grandmother, I'm going to sleep over at my friends house tonight. 
Grandmother: Okay, where?
Alison: Chicago.
Grandmother: Chicago!?!
Alison: Yes, we are going to look at bridesmaid dresses. See, look at the itinerary - brunch, and the bride is treating us. Isn't that nice, because we are such dutiful bridesmaids.

Grandmother: That's a bunch of bullshit!
Alison: What!?!
Grandmother: I never did any of that when I was young!
Alison: What do you mean? You didn't have bridesmaids walk down the aisle? You walked down all by yourself?
Grandmother: Yes, of course!

MeandMarj: I like to stay home.

Alison: Oh my gosh Grandmother this looks like so much fun! History and tea!  http://apps.alexandriava.gov/Calendar/Detail.aspx?si=1813 
Grandmother: I like to stay home.
Alison: Well, you really don't need to leave your house since we just ordered your new frame online.
Grandmother: Yeah, you just get on your machine and you can do anything.
Alison: Exactly!

MeandMarj: Thank you for letting me live here.

Alison: Thanks for letting me live here, Grandmother.
Grandmother: Well, I can't slop around this big old house by myself.
Alison: Well, I'm glad I can help out!

MeandMarj: He was only a commander at the time of this photo.

Grandmother: He was only a commander at the time of this photo.
Alison: Oh, really?
Grandmother: Yes, only three stripes. When Fred Corle retired, he was a vice admiral.
Alison: Well, aren't you glad we ordered that frame?
Grandmother: I guess so. I mean, I just can't... it's so simple.
Alison: What else do you want to do?
Grandmother: Mildew.

MeandMarj: Dating Advice: Part 2

Grandmother: Are there any attractive men at your office?
Alison: Well, yes, definitely.
Grandmother: Attached?
Alison: Well, does "not married" equal "unattached"? I mean, most people are dating other people.
Grandmother: Well, then, you could date! 
Alison: What about Steve?
Grandmother: The more the merrier!

MeandMarj: Dating Advice: Part 1

Alison: Grandmother, I'm nervous about going to the beach with Steve's family!
Grandmother: Why? What's the worst that can happen?
Alison: They hate me!
Grandmother: So, they hate you. Tell Steve he can't marry you, so you find another man!
Alison: That sounds so easy!

MeandMarj: What should I wear?

Alison: Grandmother, what should I wear tomorrow?
Grandmother: I don't know.
Alison: Well, I want to wear something cute.
Grandmother: Cute or sophisticated?
Alison: Oh, well, sophisticated. What does that look like?
Grandmother: Sophisticated!

MeandMarj: Sour Patch for Kids!

Alison: Grandmother, try this candy.
Grandmother: Mmm... it's pretty good ... what is it? 

Grandmother looks at the package...

Grandmother: Sour Patch for Kids...
Alison: They are my favorite! I'm so glad you like them too!
Grandmother: They are pretty good!

MeandMarj: Blue jeans?

Grandmother: Where are you going?
Alison: To work.
Grandmother: Wearing blue jeans?
Alison: We can wear jeans on Friday.
Grandmother: Well, I don't approve of jeans on any day!

MeandMarj: Pottery Barn...

Flipping through the Pottery Barn catalog...
Alison: I didn't see anything I liked in there.
Grandmother: Ugly as sin!
Alison: Well, you don't have to buy anything. That's for sure!
Grandmother hastily flips the magazine over...
Grandmother: Pottery Barn? Looks like it came out of a barn!

MeandMarj: Capon!?!

Alison: Are you excited about Thanksgiving?
Grandmother: Eh, I never really get excited about Thanksgiving because I don't like turkey...
Alison: Really? Well, we can eat something else.
Grandmother: Yes, that's why my family always had capon.
Alison: What's capon?
Grandmother: I knew you were going to ask that! It's an "altered" chicken.
Alison: Interesting!!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capon

MeandMarj: Oh no!

Alison: Good morning!
Grandmother: What?
Alison: Good morning! It's 7 am.
Grandmother: Oh no! Already? How's the weather out?
Alison: Rainy.
Grandmother: Okay, have a great day! I'm going back to bed.

MeandMarj: He was tall!

Alison: So, how did you know you wanted to marry Grandpa?
Grandmother: Well, he was tall. I always said I was going to marry a tall man.
Alison: That was easy!

MeandMarj: So, you go down below.

Grandmother: Okay, so you go down below and I go up above.
Alison: That's one way to look at it.
Grandmother: Can you find your way?
Alison: Yes, Grandmother, I think I can.
Grandmother: Okay, good night! Don't let the bed bugs bite! But if they do, hit them with your shoe!
Alison: Will do!

MeandMarj: What the hell am I going to wear tomorrow?

Alison: What the hell am I going to wear tomorrow?
Grandmother: What did you say?
Alison: What the hell am I going to wear tomorrow?
Grandmother: We don't use that language around here!
Alison: Grandmother, what would you recommend I wear to work tomorrow?
Grandmother: Clothes.

MeandMarj: Where's Dora?

Alison: Do you like the brownies?
Grandmother: They're all right.
Alison: What should we have for dessert next week?
Grandmother: What's Dora going to prepare?
Alison: Where's Dora anyways?
Grandmother: 10 feet under.
Alison: Well, not sure what dessert she'll be able to prepare for us.
Grandmother: She used to make the best lemon meringue pie...
Alison: Maybe I could buy one?
Grandmother: When I had beaus visit, well, the ones I didn't really like....I would tell her, Dora, "Tell them Miss Marjorie isn't home!" and she would always say, "Miss Marjorie, I'm not going to lie for you..I'm not going to lie for you!"
Alison: Did that make you mad?
Grandmother: I would say, "You better!"
Alison: Those beaus must have been pretty awful!
Grandmother: Pretty boring!

MeandMarj: Wait..wait...wait!

Alison: I'm going to throw away this paper.
Grandmother: Wait..wait..wait!
Alison: But it's yesterday's paper! We will have a new one tomorrow.
Grandmother: But look, he's jumping out of such a glamorous bed!

MeandMarj: I have ear bugs!

Grandmother is using my iPhone (hands-free) when Steve calls...

Alison: Grandmother, answer it!
Grandmother: Hello?
Steve: Hi Grandma, it's the tall man!
Grandmother: Oh! That must be Steve!
Alison: Grandmother, tell him you have ear buds in...
Grandmother: Your friend wants me to tell you I have ear bugs.
Alison: No Grandmother...ear BUDS!
Grandmother: Ear buds!
Alison: Oh, tell him I'll call him back.
Grandmother: Your friend here says she will call you back.
Steve: Okay. Good night, Grandma!

MeandMarj: Well, that was stupid!

Grandmother: What do you hear from Steve?
Alison: Well, he rolled his ankle running last night...
Grandmother: How did that happen?
Alison: Well, it was dark and there was a pothole, and he couldn't see it.
Grandmother: Well, that was stupid!

MeandMarj: What are you doing!?!

Alison: Grandmother, what are you doing with those pills?

Grandmother tries to put the pills in her pocket...
Grandmother: Nothing. 
Alison: Grandmother, I am watching you!
Grandmother: Okay.
10 minutes later...
Alison: Grandmother, what are you doing!?! 

Making noises as she pretends to take her pills...
Grandmother: Watching you, watching me.
Alison: Okay...I'm watching!

MeandMarj: You could learn something, if you hang around me long enough!

We have leftovers for dinner, previously prepared by Dad...

Alison: How is your dinner?
Grandmother: Delicious! You are becoming quite the cook.
Alison: Oh, really?
Grandmother: Yes, you know, you could learn something, if you hang around me long enough!
Alison: So, what is the most important thing I need to know about managing a household?
Grandmother: Have a place for everything and everything in its place.

MeandMarj: I was his favorite!

Alison: Were you close with your mother?
Grandmother: Not particularly...my father and I really got along.
Alison: Oh yeah? What did ya'll do?
Grandmother: We would go hiking in the Olympic mountains. I was his favorite!
Alison: How do you know that?
Grandmother: Because he would always take me hiking.

MeandMarj: Parlez-vous français?

Alison: Wouldn't you love to go to Paris?
Grandmother: Parlez-vous français? Chevrolet coupé!
Alison: Exactly!

MeandMarj: For Halloween?

Alison: Oh, that's a cute jacket!

Grandmother: Oh yes, for Halloween?
Alison: Ha! Not what I was thinking, but okay....

MeandMarj: Can you see?

Alison: Okay, goodnight! I'll walk you upstairs.
Grandmother: No, I can do it on my own.
Alison: Can you see?
Grandmother: No, but I know where I'm going.
Alison: Let me turn on the light.
Grandmother: Okay, you can turn it off. Good night!

MeandMarj: Good morning, Grandmother!

Alison: Good morning, Grandmother!!! Why is your door locked?
Grandmother: Oh, it's locked? Sometimes that happens...
Alison: The door locks itself?
Grandmother: I guess not.
Alison: How are you?
Grandmother: I just had the craziest dream!
Alison: What were you dreaming?
Grandmother: I was golfing!
Alison: Were you winning?
Grandmother: No.
Alison: Were you having fun?
Grandmother: No.
Alison: Oh, okay. Well, I'll let you go back to dreaming.
Grandmother: Okay. Thank you.
Alison: I'm off to work! I'll see you tonight!
Grandmother: Okay, have a great day!

MeandMarj: I'm seeing you to your door.

Alison: Good night!
Grandmother: Good night! Sleep well. Don't let the bed bugs bite!
Alison: What are you doing? Aren't you going up?
Grandmother: Yes, but I'm seeing you to your door first.
Alison: Well, thank you. I've made it downstairs safely!
Grandmother: Well, don't forget to wake me up in the morning before you go!
Alison: Okay! Good night!

MeandMarj: There must be something in the water.

Grandmother: What do you hear from Steve?
Alison: We are going to a wedding in Lexington, Kentucky this weekend.
Grandmother: Another wedding!?!?! What is it with your friends?
Alison: You mean getting married? Or a lot of them getting married?
Grandmother: A lot of them getting married. They must have drank the wrong water.

MeandMarj: Where are your slippers?

Grandmother: Where are your slippers?
Alison: I don't have any.
Grandmother: Me neither! How about I'll get you a pair and you get me a pair!
Alison: That's a great idea!

MeandMarj: What can you get after an MBA?

Grandmother: What can you get after an MBA?
Alison: Oh, Grandmother, there is a lot I could do. I could get a PhD, I could go to law school...
Grandmother: You should go to law school!
Alison: Okay, want to pay for it?
Grandmother: Sure, it's not that expensive because you will save a lot living here for free!
Alison: Exactly!

MeandMarj: You may have another beau.

Grandmother: I really think you should blow this picture up - I'd like a 5 by 7.

Alison: Sure! I'll do that for you.

Grandmother: You know Eastman Kodak is right down there on Main Street.

Alison: No prob! I'll get it for you. You don't want this one as a 5 by 7?

Grandmother: You may have another beau.

Alison: OH! You think?

Grandmother: Well, if you don't, I can make it a 5 by 7 then.

MeandMarj: You can be an old maid with me!

Grandmother and I discuss a stationery order...

Grandmother: Do you want the optional address line on the envelope? 
Alison: No, that's not necessary.
Grandmother: Yes! You'll be moving around.
Alison: Can't I live here forever?
Grandmother: Sure! And be an old maid with me.

MeandMarj: We had a duck just like that!

While watching TV, the Aflac commercial is on TV...
Grandmother: See that duck? We had one just like that!
Alison: Really?
Grandmother: Yes! And it would follow us around like a dog.
Alison: What was its name?
Grandmother: Maxie. 
Alison: What made your family decide to get a duck?
Grandmother: It was right before Easter and the grocery store we did business with had the cutest ducklings, so we got two - one for me and one for Priscilla.

MeandMarj: Not 'till then!

Grandmother: When does Steve get here?
Alison: Friday.
Grandmother: What's today?
Alison: Tuesday.
Grandmother: Oh gosh, not 'till then?

MeandMarj: I thought I was going to have a beau.

Alison: You can come for half an hour, it will be great!
Grandmother: Only half an hour?
Alison: Well, Grandmother, the party starts at 9. You won't want to be there that much longer. Dad can pick you up and take you home so you can go to bed whenever you want.
Grandmother: Oh, Freddy. I thought I was going to have a beau take me!
Alison: Oh, really? You can have a beau take you.
Grandmother: I wish I knew one!

MeandMarj: No one sews anymore.

Grandmother: I hate those pillows! I need a rosy red fabric.
Alison: Let's go to Calico Corners on Saturday.
Grandmother: There's one here?
Alison: Yes! Right on King Street.
Grandmother: When I first moved here, there were three fabric stores. Now, there are none because no one sews anymore.
Alison: My friend, Lexi, is taking a sewing class next weekend. Isn't that admirable?
Grandmother: Yes, it is. You know, I used to make all my own clothes. I'll show you some!
Alison: Grandmother, I've seen a lot of them. Remember? We used to play dress up!
Grandmother: No.
Alison: Oh, come on, the fashion shows!?!
Grandmother: Oh! Yes! Up, up...
Alison: Up at Eastman! And we'd put on old records and come down the stairs. What wonderful memories...
Grandmother: Yes, those were great memories. What are you doing?
Alison: Writing.
Grandmother: Doesn't look like it.
Alison: I'm typing our  conversations on my phone! I'm keeping special memories!
Grandmother: What in the world is special about this?
Alison: This wonderful conversation!

MeandMarj: Where's Steve?

Grandmother: Where's Steve and when's he coming back?
Alison: He's in the Pennsylvania countryside with cows and everything.
Grandmother: Really? Why don't you milk them and get milk for free?
Alison: Well, I've never really seen cows, but goats, yes!
Grandmother: Do his parents ask about the setup when he visits?
Alison: What do you mean?
Grandmother: Did he tell them it was a tiny old dump!?
Alison: Why would he say that?
Grandmother: I don't know, to get a reaction?

MeandMarj: What do you do with your sheets?

Grandmother: How do you sleep down there?
Alison: Fabulous! And I'm really excited because I have clean sheets!
Grandmother: What do you do with your sheets? You don't iron them, do you?
Alison: Oh no! That takes forever.
Grandmother: I always iron my sheets.
Alison: Want to iron my sheets?
Grandmother: No.

MeandMarj: You eat the strangest things!

Grandmother: What is that!?!
Alison: Chips and salsa.
Grandmother: You eat the strangest things!
Alison: Why?
Grandmother: Well, it's not meat and potatoes. 
Alison: So, anything that is not meat and potatoes is strange?
Grandmother: Or rice or vegetables.

MeandMarj: Tea Time

Alison: This tea is delicious!
Grandmother: I didn't know you were so fond of tea.
Alison: Oh, Grandmother, I got it from you! I have fine memories of us having tea at 4. 
Grandmother: Well, I got that from my mother. It's a great habit to get into. A nice pick-me-up to get through the rest of the day!
Alison: That's for sure! Let me take a pic! Oh, you look great! Wow, Grandmother, you are beautiful!
Grandmother: You are as bad as Lee, the hairdresser. She's always telling me how pretty I am! It annoys me.
Alison: Why? What do you think you look like!?! An old hag?
Grandmother: Yes! Exactly.
Alison: Well, that's not true! Take it back!

MeandMarj: Oh! This is fun!

Grandmother: Oh! This is fun! The vegetable soup has letters in it! D... oh, that's a q, s, u... oh! There's an r...
Alison: Glad you like it so much. Better add it to the grocery list! Do you want some pound cake and ice cream for dessert?
Grandmother: That's just what I was going for, how did you guess?
Alison: I had an inkling!

MeandMarj: Sweetie pie!

Grandmother: What can I get you, honey?
(No one responds, so Grandmother looks at Steve...)
Grandmother: I'm talking to you, sweetie pie!

MeandMarj: Don't let him outrun you!

Alison: Grandmother, Steve ran 13.1 miles last weekend. Just 6 days ago, I ran the half 30 minutes slower.
Grandmother: Well, I didn't run it.
Alison: We are going running now.
Grandmother: Don't let him outrun you!

MeandMarj: I thought I was the only one!

Grandmother: Steve, what can I get you? Juice? Tea? Coffee?
Alison: Steve doesn't like coffee, Grandmother.
Grandmother: Really!?! I thought I was the only one in the world who didn't like coffee! We can be pals!

MeandMarj: I'm glad you told me!

Reporter on News 4: This is a Special News 4 report. Today is Saturday, September, 24th.
Grandmother: I'm glad you told me!

MeandMarj: Are you ready for book club?

Alison: Grandmother, are you ready for book club? Everyone should be here in about 10 minutes!
Grandmother: I'm going up to bed. I'll go up the back stairs before everyone gets here.
Alison: But, Grandmother, you are the life of the party! You can't do that...
Grandmother: But my back hurts...
Alison: Don't you have fond memories of girls' nights? Book clubs? Women getting together and complaining about their husbands?
Grandmother: I don't remember any of that!
I'm putting the cheese on the cheese platter...
Grandmother: Those knives are too big.
Alison: Okay, can you find me some proper cheese knives?
Grandmother goes hunting for cheese knives and we decide on a couple - the doorbell rings...
Alison: Everyone is here!
Grandmother: I'm going up!
Alison: But Grandmother, they are at the door! You have to at least say "hello".
Grandmother: Okay.
Introductions are made...
Kristen: It's so nice to meet you, I've heard so many things about you!
Grandmother: Good things, I hope!
Alison: Grandmother, I'm going to get plates for the hors d'oeuvres.
Grandmother: Make sure you take the glass ones. I'm going to excuse myself. I'm going up!
Alison: Okay! Good night!

MeandMarj: Goody for you.

Alison: Grandmother, I ran 13.1 miles today!
Grandmother: Goody for you.
Alison: Steve ran 13.1 miles today! 30 minutes faster than I did...
Grandmother: Goody for him.

MeandMarj: A little bit of powder...

Grandmother: Well, you look nice this morning. Where are you going?
Alison: Work, it's Wednesday.
Grandmother: But it's so gloomy out. I don't like days like these.
Alison: Me neither.
Grandmother: Well, you look pretty!
Alison: Thank you! Its amazing what some makeup will do!
Grandmother: A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint... makes you look like what you ain't!

MeandMarj: It was a success!

Grandmother: How was last night?
Alison: It was a success! The girls loved the dinner. The only thing was the pork took longer than I had expected so we had to wait about 20 minutes. It sure is difficult entertaining.
Grandmother: That is certainly true! You can't just put together a big party like that. And if you don't do it frequently enough, you have to start all over.
Alison: Exactly! All the more reason to have more parties! Can we have a Halloween party?
Grandmother: No.

MeandMarj: Don't think that will happen.

Alison: Grandmother, maybe I can get Steve to move here.
Grandmother: I don't think that will happen. It was great spending my life in the Navy because if you didn't like a place, you knew you weren't going to be there that long! My mother didn't like Washington state. My father loved it since he was a great outdoorsman.
Alison: I bet he would've liked visiting me in Colorado, and we could have gone hiking.
Grandmother: Oh yes, we went hiking. One time, we went backpacking through the Olympic Mountains and I had a 35 lb pack on my back.

MeandMarj: Aren't we a cute couple?

Alison: Grandmother, aren't we a cute couple?
Grandmother: I wouldn't say cute. Certainly attractive, but not cute.
Alison: Why not?
Grandmother: Cute is short and petite.
Alison: Aren't I short and petite?
Grandmother: No.
Alison: What am I then?
Grandmother: I'd say average.

MeandMarj: I guess I'll see you sometime in the future...

Alison: Good night, Grandmother!
Grandmother: Good night, I guess I'll see you sometime in the future...
Alison: How about breakfast tomorrow morning?
Grandmother: Okay, let's do that.

MeandMarj: Three glamorous gals!

Grandmother: Three glamorous gals!

Alison: That's my friend, Sarah, and my friend, Lexi. Lexi was married in March, and Sarah is getting married next July.

Grandmother: Why is everyone getting married?

Alison: Why did you get married?

Grandmother: I don't know.

Alison: You don't?

Grandmother: I guess I had known him awhile...it was the thing to do.

MeandMarj: Make sure you have the right postage!

Grandmother: It's time for me to go to bed. Let me make sure I have everything...
Alison: Don't worry! If you forget something, I'll make sure to mail it to you.
Grandmother: Just make sure you have the right postage!

MeandMarj: Nice digs down here!

Grandmother: These sure are nice digs down here!
Alison: Yup, its great!

MeandMarj: You're crazy!

Alison: I just ran 10 miles!
Grandmother: You're crazy!
Walking down the stairs...
Alison: Ow, ow, ow...
Grandmother: What's wrong with you?
Alison: My legs hurt!
Grandmother: Well, I should think so. What are you trying to do? Kill yourself?
Alison: Grandmother, a man whistled at me while I was running!
Grandmother: Well you'd be disappointed if they didn't, wouldn't you?
Downstairs...
Grandmother: This really is a nice apartment.
Alison: Want to live down here with me?
Grandmother: I like my bigger apartment upstairs!

MeandMarj: Your hair doesn't look right.

Grandmother: Your hair doesn't look right.
Alison: I know. It's wet. I have to blow dry it.
Grandmother: Oh, okay. As long as you aren't going out looking like that!
Alison: Of course not!

MeandMarj: I guess so, I was asleep!

Alison: Good morning, Grandmother, did you sleep well?
Grandmother: I guess so, I was asleep. What a dreary looking day.
Alison: It's awful. I don't want to go to work.
Grandmother: Just go back to bed. I think that's what I'll do.
Alison: Well, I can't do that. I wish I was more motivated.
Grandmother: Just think of all the great people you can see at work!
Alison: That's true! Maybe my friend, Lexi, and I can get coffee today. Thanks, Grandmother!

MeandMarj: This isn't a bad hole down here!

Grandmother: You've got your kitchen, your library...this isn't a bad hole down here!
Alison: What else could I need?
Grandmother: You got a stove, a bathroom, a shower! Not bad!

MeandMarj: Boy, that thing does everything!

Grandmother and I are looking at my new laptop...

Grandmother: So, you say your dad bought that for you? That was nice of him!
Alison: Yes, but I needed it for school. I couldn't go to school without it.
Grandmother: How did I go to school without it?
Alison: Well, you didn't need to know the same things I needed to know.
Grandmother: Well, you need to know how to type to run that thing don't you? I don't know how to type. You need some nice music down here.
Alison: You want nice music? I have nice music for you!
Two seconds later - Symphony n.64 in F Major
Alison: How's this for nice music?
Grandmother: It's all right.
Alison: Just "all right"? Why just "all right"? What kind of music do you like? La Boheme?
Grandmother: Yes, I like that. Oh, it's 10 till 8. It's late, I need to go home.
Alison: Okay, we'll listen to opera then, Carmen.
Grandmother: Oh, what's that? I like that! Oh, that I know! 

Grandmother hums away to the opera music

MeandMarj: You down here?

Grandmother: You down here?
Alison: Yes, Ma'am!
Grandmother: You in bed!?! You are in bed already?
Alison: It's bed time!
Grandmother: Well, it looks comfortable. It's warm enough? You don't need any more blankets?
Alison: You want to sleep down here with me?
Grandmother: Well, I like my own bed.
Alison: Do you approve of my apartment?
Grandmother: Yes, I do! It's not a bad little apartment, not bad at all!
Alison: You don't want to live down here with me?
Grandmother: No, I like my own...did you make this table skirt?
Alison: No, I don't have the talent, like yourself.
Grandmother: It doesn't take talent, just common sense. What time do you have to get up in the morning?
Alison: 5:15.
Grandmother: 5:15!?! Why so early?
Alison: Because I'm going running.
Grandmother: That's awful early!

MeandMarj: I'm old enough to do what I want!

Dad: Mom, why do you put up such a fight about taking your pills?
Grandmother: Because I'm old enough to do what I want!
Dad: I do what I want too, am I not old enough? How old do you have to be?
Grandmother: NO, you need to be at least my age.

MeandMarj: You threw away all my food!

Alison: Grandmother, I'm so glad we cleaned out the freezer! We are all organized.
Grandmother: You threw out all my food!
Alison: I didn't throw out the food that was any good.
Grandmother: All the food is good.
Alison: Not if it has been in the freezer for years! I'm not going to throw away good food. Don't you trust my judgement?
Grandmother: Not all the time...

MeandMarj: If they were perfect...

Alison: Grandmother, how are the oatmeal cookies?
Grandmother: They are all right.
Alison: Just all right? What about on a scale of 1 - 10?
Grandmother: An 8.
Alison: What makes them an 8?
Grandmother: I don't know.
Alison: How come they aren't a 10?
Grandmother: I don't know, they just aren't.
Alison: Okay, what would make them a 10?
Grandmother: If they were perfect...
Alison: What makes a cookie perfect?
Grandmother: It's just... perfect.

MeandMarj: Women aren't at their best.

Alison: Grandmother, do you have any pictures of you when you were pregnant?
Grandmother: No, why would I?
Alison: You didn't want to remember what it was like?
Grandmother: Let's just say, women aren't at their best then.
Alison: So, you didn't want any pictures?
Grandmother: Not especially.

MeandMarj: Born and raised in Reno.

Grandmother: I remember when I met Fred Corle, and people asked me where he was and I said. "Reno, Nevada." They thought he was getting a divorce!
Alison: Why would they think that?
Grandmother: That's where everyone went in those days to get a divorce. And when I explained he was born and raised there, the shock and awe wore off.

MeandMarj: You already had brownies!

Alison: Grandmother, you already had brownies!
Grandmother: I'm evening it out, it's a mess.

MeandMarj: Was Paris your favorite?

Alison: You haven't had any French bread!
Grandmother: It was too hot.
Alison: Well, now it's too cold.
Grandmother: It's just right.
Alison: Don't you love French bread?
Grandmother: I do! When we lived in Paris, I would go to the bread place right when it was coming out of the oven and it was so hot you had to juggle it!
Alison: Was Paris your favorite?
Grandmother: There was a dry cleaner there and I would take my raincoat and when they were finished with it, it looked brand new! They sure knew what they were doing!

MeandMarj: There wasn't any hurricane here.

Alison: What did you think about surviving Hurricane Irene?
Grandmother: Ha! There wasn't any hurricane here.

MeandMarj: You are smart, like your grandmother!

Grandmother tries to fit a dish into the cupboard...

Grandmother: I'm running out of space for my things. 
Alison: Maybe you have too many things?
Grandmother: No, I don't!
After moving a few things around and making space for the dish...
Grandmother: Oh, you are smart, like your grandmother!

MeandMarj: It was as cold as blue blazes!

Grandmother: How was Chicago?
Alison: It was great!
Grandmother: You know, we lived just north of Chicago once.
Alison: Really? When? Where?
Grandmother: Freddy will know.
Dad: They lived at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center from 1963 - 1964.
Grandmother: I remember, we moved in January and it was as cold as blue blazes! You know the movers had to keep the door open. Oh boy, it was cold!
Alison: Why'd you move in January?
Grandmother: That's when we needed to be there.
Alison: Did you like living there?
Grandmother: It wasn't my favorite.
Alison: Why?
Grandmother: We lived in these quarters that looked all right from the outside BUT inside, there was grey linoleum everywhere. It was awful! Don't ask me about it!

MeandMarj: Travel advice...

Grandmother: Do you have enough money? Look both ways before you cross the street, and don't do anything I wouldn't do! Have a great time! Don't do anything foolish!

MeandMarj: It's great!

Alison: That's the lovely "thank you" note my friend wrote!
Grandmother: Is this the way she writes?
Alison: Yes, what's wrong with it?
Grandmother: Nothing! It's great! Where did she learn how to write like that? It's absolutely perfect! It's unbelievable! It really is perfect!

MeandMarj: I'm old enough and big enough to take care of myself!

Alison: Grandmother, please eat those peas, rice and chicken in the fridge.
Grandmother: Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself. 
Alison: How's the strawberry pie?
Grandmother: Oh, I finished that!
Alison: Okay, good. I'm not worried about you starving! 
Grandmother: You don't need to worry about me. I'm old enough and big enough to take care of myself!

MeandMarj: Don't let the bed bugs bite!

Our nightly routine...

Grandmother: Ooh, it's after 8! It's past my bed time.
Alison: Okay, good night. See you in the morning for breakfast, bright and early!
Grandmother: Good night! Don't let the bed bugs bite!
Alison: Sleep well!

10 minutes later...

Grandmother: (screaming from the 2nd floor) Good night, Alison!
Alison: Good night, Grandmother!

MeandMarj: Sorry, Louise.

Alison: Grandmother, please take your pills.
Grandmother: Honey, I just don't feel like it. I'll take them tomorrow.
Alison: What is the point in taking your daily medicine every other day?
Grandmother: Just because some stupid doctor says I should?

MeandMarj: Kim Kardashian

While watching access Hollywood...

Grandmother: Who is this Kim?
Alison: It's Kim Kardashian. She's known for her rather large derrière. 
Grandmother: You mean, a big backside? A big butt?
Alison: Yes! Exactly!
Grandmother: How did she make it big, then? Even with a big backside?

MeandMarj: I don't give 10s very often.

Alison: How's the strawberry pie?
Grandmother: Not bad. I think it's the first strawberry pie I've ever had.
Alison: That can't be!
Grandmother: Well, it's the truth!
Alison: Why didn't you ever make a strawberry pie before?
Grandmother: They were always so good fresh! My father loved strawberries!
Alison: How did you eat them?
Grandmother: Just in a bowl with some sugar on top.
Alison: Okay, so, what do you rate this pie? On a scale of 1 to 10?
Grandmother: 8.
Alison: Why not a 10?
Grandmother: I seldom give 10s. 
Alison: What do I need to do to get a 10?
Grandmother: You need to make the sides really pretty, like my mother did.

MeandMarj: I'm the only one allowed to eat in my kitchen!

Alison: My girlfriends are coming over for dinner! There will be four of us total for dinner.
Grandmother: So, you will eat in the dining room?
Alison: Oh no! The kitchen will be fine!
Grandmother: I really wish you would eat here in the dining room. This room is so beautiful.
Alison: It really is. It's so beautiful, and we are messy women! You wouldn't want us to eat in there!
Grandmother: Well, maybe you shouldn't be so messy!
Alison: Okay, we'll try. But for tonight, it's probably best we eat in the kitchen.
Grandmother: No one is allowed to eat my kitchen except for me!

MeandMarj: You really need some lipstick!

Alison: Grandmother, I'm home! Did you miss me?
Grandmother: Hmm, I just wish you would put some lipstick on.
Alison: Okay, I'll put my lip gloss on.
Grandmother: Hmm, I can barely see it! It needs to be pinker! Rosy pink! You really should wear lipstick. It's much more becoming!

MeandMarj: We didn't even have a car.

Grandmother: We didn't even have a car when we were first married!
Alison: How did you get around?
Grandmother: One time we were coming back from New York to Philadelphia and we were in a really small car. It didn't even have a back seat, and I was curled up behind the driver in the back window!
Alison: Grandpa let you do that!?!
Grandmother: He must have been the one in the passenger seat. We even lived in this housing project.
Alison: Grandmother, I don't think you mean "the projects".
Grandmother: Yes, that's what they were. There were four apartments attached to each other. And one time, my father was visiting and he sat up all of the sudden and said he heard a dog running around. And he said he didn't know we had a dog. Of course, we didn't. But you see, the other apartments were adjacent to ours and the walls were so thin! It was the neighbor's dog!! 

Grandmother starts laughing away...
Alison: Oh my gosh! What did your dad say?
Grandmother: He just laughed!

MeandMarj: Ill eagle...

Grandmother: What's the difference between illegal and an ill eagle?
Alison: What?
Grandmother: One is a sick bird!
Alison: Clever!

MeandMarj: It's not New York.

Alison: Grandmother, I'm going to new York! We got a great deal on a hotel and it's my friend's 30th birthday!
Grandmother: You can stay here for free.
Alison: Yes, that's true, but it's not new York.
Grandmother: It's not New York BUT it's Old Town Alexandria! Old Town is great!

MeandMarj: Can I come?

Alison: Grandmother, is it okay if I host book club here next month?
Grandmother: Oh sure! Can I come?
Alison: Of course! You have to read the book though. You'll be the life of the party!
Grandmother: Oh sure! But wait, I'll have to provide the refreshments?
Alison: No, you don't have to worry about anything. I'll get everything! Won't it be fabulous to have 6 - 8 women here?
Grandmother: Oh yes! So, you'll provide the refreshments and I don't have to do anything?
Alison: Exactly!
Grandmother: SO, you'll make sure you have all the refreshments?
Alison: Oh, don't you worry. I'll make sure there are plenty of refreshments!

MeandMarj: It's pretty nice you don't have to pay for that!

I'm unloading my clothes from the dryer and folding my laundry...

Grandmother: It's pretty nice you don't have to pay for that. I should put a coin thing on there and I'd be rich!

Alison: Oh, it is! The past two years I had to pay each time I did my laundry.
Grandmother: How much was it?
Alison: $5 a load of laundry.

Grandmother points to the washing machine...
Grandmother: To put your clothes in a thing like this!?! Oh, come on!
Alison: Seriously!
Grandmother: Well, I never had a machine like this. I used a board!
Alison: Well, I don't have a board.
Grandmother: Well, I'm sure I could find you one!

MeandMarj: Can you imagine being the mom elephant that had the baby elephant?

Flipping through the latest National Geographic Magazine...

Grandmother: Can you imagine being the mom elephant that had that huge baby come out of you?
Alison: Hahaha! No, hadn't thought of that. Was that the worst part?
Grandmother: The birth? Yes! Don't let anyone tell you it is fun!

MeandMarj: I love finding surprises in my freezer!

Grandmother: Ready for dessert?
Alison: Yes, ma'am!
Grandmother: Oooh! What do we have here? Where did these come from?
Alison: I bought the Fudgsicles at the store.
Grandmother: Oh! I love finding surprises in my freezer!

MeandMarj: You can't do everything!

Alison: It took me an hour and a half to get home from work! The traffic was awful!
Grandmother: What was the cause for all the traffic?
Alison: Torrential downpours!!!
Grandmother: It wasn't raining here...
Alison: Well, I feel awful. There was a recruiting event for school I was supposed to attend.
Grandmother: Well, you already have a job. So, who cares?
Alison: It wasn't a recruiting event for work, but for school. They wanted alums to be there to share their wonderful experiences. But it's downtown and with this traffic...
Grandmother: Oh no, you can't do everything!
Alison: I feel so guilty! I feel like I'm letting them down.
Grandmother: Well, stop that right now! They probably wouldn't even miss you!

MeandMarj: It takes some doing.

Alison: Grandmother, tonight I am going to book club so I won't be home.
Grandmother: Oh. What do you do there?
Alison: We are discussing a book we just read about marital claustrophobia.
Grandmother: Marital what?
Alison: It's basically about how it's tough to be happy with one person for a lifetime. It takes work.
Grandmother: Yes, that's true. It takes some doing.

MeandMarj: It's easier to listen.

Grandmother: Let's see what's going on in the world.
Alison: Let's read the paper!
Grandmother: It's easier to listen.

MeandMarj: Your nails are so nice!

Christie: How do you keep your nails so nice?
Grandmother: Oh, my nails? I don't do any work.
Christie: Oh! You mean you don't do any work on your nails?
Grandmother: No, I don't do any work. Period!

MeandMarj: Okay, Vanderbilt.

Alison: I'm going to go shower.
Grandmother: You have your coffee here.
Alison: Yes, I know, it's really hot! By the time I shower, it will be the perfect temperature. Please don't throw it out. Okay?
Grandmother: Okay. 

Grandmother looks at my t-shirt, looks back at me... 

Grandmother: Vanderbilt!

MeandMarj: Bully for you!

Alison: Grandmother, I ran 7 miles this morning!
Grandmother: That's nice.
Alison: I ran all the way to airport and back!
Grandmother: Why would you do that?
Alison: I'm training for a half marathon. I'm going to run 13.1 miles.
Grandmother: Bully for you!
Alison: What does that expression mean?
Grandmother: I don't know.
Alison: Why'd you say it?
Grandmother: I don't know..something to say.

MeandMarj: I don't particularly care for pasta.

Alison: How's dinner?
Grandmother: It's all right.
Alison: Whats wrong? You don't like it?
Grandmother: Did you put salt on this?
Alison: Yes, I did.
A few bites later...
Grandmother: I don't particularly care for pasta.
Alison: Pasta in general? Or specifically this pasta?
Grandmother: This pasta specifically!

MeandMarj: What exactly are you eating?

Grandmother: What is that?
Alison: It's wheat bread and tomato.
Grandmother: I've never seen anything like that before! It's the strangest looking thing!
Alison: You've heard of a tomato sandwich?
Grandmother: Yes, of course.
Alison: This is the exact same thing, except I'm eating one half at a time. It's open-faced.
Grandmother: Weird!

MeandMarj: The Peanut Butter Cookies

Grandmother: Now, we don't need all those cookies.
Alison: I'll give some to Steve!
Grandmother: You're spoiling him.
Alison: Why am I spoiling him?
Grandmother: I don't know why.
Alison: Okay, then "how" am I?
Grandmother: By giving him those cookies.
Alison: Didn't you make Grandpa his favorite things?
Grandmother: No.
Alison: What were his favorite things?
Grandmother: Oh, he liked everything. He was in the Navy, he had to! When he was on a ship, if he didn't like what was put in front of him, he didn't eat.
Out of the oven...
Grandmother: These cookies look pretty good! (She eats one.) They taste pretty good, too! I think I'll have another one. I could eat all of them. I think I'll call you, "sous chef"!

MeandMarj: Animals sweat!

Grandmother: You are going out like that?
Alison: Do I look okay?
Grandmother: I think those shorts are too short. You should wear pants.
Alison: It's 80 degrees outside! If I wore pants, I would sweat all night.
Grandmother uses her stern voice...

Grandmother: Animals sweat. People perspire!

MeandMarj: Why is 9 too late for dinner?

Grandmother: Now where are you going?
Alison: Dinner with my friend, Lexi.
Grandmother: Well, I want you home by 11.
Alison: Grandmother, that will be difficult, considering our dinner reservations are at 9.
Grandmother: Well, too bad. That's too late for dinner, anyhow.
Alison: Why is 9 too late?
Grandmother: Because you are making your poor stomach work overtime!

MeandMarj: Want to go out to dinner on Saturday night?

Alison: Let's go out to dinner Saturday night! Just us! It will be so fun!
Grandmother: I hate to eat out.
Alison: Well, let's eat at home then...what should we have?
Grandmother: Well, traditionally you eat baked beans on Saturday night.
Alison: Baked beans!?! With what?
Grandmother: A hot dog!
Alison: Really? I've never heard of this. Is that what you want Saturday night?
Grandmother: No.
Alison: Okay, want me to make something creative?
Grandmother: No.
Alison: Okay, well, we need to decide something to eat.
Grandmother: Well, there's always something good to eat around here.

Alison: Yes, but we need to decide what that is! It doesn't just appear! 

Unless Dad is bringing dinner over! He apparently is the best chef and missed his calling! Grandmother always tells him he should open a restaurant in New York City! It will only serve '50s-style American dinners. Not sure how successful that will be, but Grandmother can think so!

MeandMarj: Is it bad that I wake my Grandmother up every morning?

Alison: Grandmother, good morning! It's another beautiful day!
Grandmother: (moaning as she rolls over) What time is it?

Alison: Time to get up! Want to have breakfast with me?
Grandmother: Do I have to?

I hold Grandmother's robe open for her... 
Alison: No, but you've hardly had breakfast with me all week! All you have to do is come downstairs for 10 - 15 minutes and then you can go back to sleep. I have to go to work all day.
Grandmother: Well, that's your choice. I never worked!
Alison: Well, Grandmother, it's so nice having breakfast with you. It's lonely eating down here all by myself.
Grandmother: Well, you better get used to it!
Alison: Why?
Grandmother: When you marry a naval officer, they're gone most of the time. You eat breakfast by yourself.
Alison: Well, I don't plan on marrying a naval officer. I don't even know any, and I certainly don't spend much time in Annapolis!

MeandMarj: Why do you hold your pen that way?

Grandmother: Why do you hold your pen that way?
Alison: What way?
Grandmother: The way you do! It's weird!

MeandMarj: Aw shut up!

Alison: Please! Take these pills, Grandmother!
Grandmother: I'll take them when I damn well please.
Alison: You say that, but you never do! Please, take them!
Grandmother: Aw shut up!

MeandMarj: Why don't you ever wear any lipstick?

Grandmother: Why don't you ever wear any lipstick?
Alison: Okay, I'll put on this lip gloss.
Grandmother: You can hardly tell you put anything on! It's not red enough. I like pretty red lips, rosy red lips! It makes you look so much better!

MeandMarj: The Goodbye

Every morning grandmother waves goodbye from the living room window

MeandMarj: My old cronies!

Alison: Good morning, Grandmother!
Grandmother: Huh? What time is it?
Alison: It's 7 am!
Grandmother: Are you leaving for work?
Alison: There's still time for breakfast, if you'd like.
Grandmother: Okay, I'll get up.

After brushing her hair and applying some lipstick, Grandmother is walking to the kitchen with a smile on her face...

Grandmother: I was just dreaming away!
Alison: Oh, I'm so sorry I woke you up. What were you dreaming about?
Grandmother: Oh, I was with all my old cronies in Europe, having a grand ole time!
Alison: That sounds wonderful. I'm sorry I disturbed your wonderful evening. What else happened? Tell me more about hanging out with your cronies!
Grandmother: Oh I can't remember now...but it was fun!
Alison: Did you love living in Paris? Was that where you enjoyed living the most?
Grandmother: Oh, we had a wonderful time in Paris!

 

MeandMarj: Go blow!

Grandmother: What do you hear from Steve?
Alison: He had to be at work at 7 am this morning!
Grandmother: Good grief! What time does he have to work until?
Alison: He worked until 11 pm last night!
Grandmother: At the bank? I would tell them I only work 9 - 5.
Alison: That wouldn't work.
Grandmother: Well, I wouldn't work there! I'd say, "Go blow!"

MeandMarj: You may never need it!

Grandmother: I use to make all my own clothes.
Alison: Maybe you can make my wedding dress?
Grandmother: You may never need it. Why would I do that?
Oh Lord, Grandmother thinks I'm never getting married!

MeandMarj: How long have you had those shoes?

Grandmother: How long have you had those shoes?
Alison: These? Oh, about 30 years...
Grandmother: They look like it too!
Alison: Why, what makes them look so old?
Grandmother: Well, the heel. Shoes today don't have heels like that anymore.

What decade could she possibly be thinking of????

MeandMarj: Where'd the cake go????

Alison: Where'd the cake go?? It was right in that corner this morning!
Grandmother: What cake? What are you talking about?
I call my dad, and he says the cake was gone when he was at Grandmother's house, and he tells me Grandmother must have thrown it away...
Alison: There was a chocolate peanut butter cake right there in the corner! Grandmother, did you throw it away? Where could it have gone?
Grandmother: Maybe someone snuck in the house today and took it?
Alison: Ha! You totally threw it away! Was it that bad to look at?
Grandmother: Oh Alison, it was awful, just awful!
Alison: I just can't believe you threw it away! You never ever ever throw anything away!
Grandmother: If you could've seen that cake, you would understand.

MeandMarj: You're a mess!

Alison: Grandmother, what are you doing? I thought you were going up to bed.
Grandmother: I'm coming down first to check out your place. Yeah, its not half bad down here...especially since you aren't paying any money for it. This place is nice down here, but you need to put those pictures on the walls and fix your curtains. You're a mess!

MeandMarj: And there's nothing worth watching on television!

While we are sitting at the kitchen table...

Grandmother: Well, there's no point turning the television on. There aren't any good programs any more.
Alison: That's true! What did you use to enjoy watching?
Grandmother: Well, I fondly remember our whole family listening to One Man's Family.
Alison: You mean listening? So you weren't watching the TV?
Grandmother: Oh, no. We would listen to the radio. Everyone. Mother, father, Sid, and Priscilla.
Alison: What was it about?
Grandmother: One man's family!
Alison: Anything else? Was there a plot? Any intrigue? What was interesting about it?
Grandmother: I don't remember all those details, just one man's' family. It's been about 30 years! It was tame though.

http://www.radiohof.org/adventuredrama/oneman.html

MeandMarj: I don't believe in sharing!

Alison: Grandmother, this ring is beautiful!  Does it still fit you? I never see you wear it.
Grandmother struggles to get it on her pinky finger..
Grandmother: It fits just fine.
Alison: Can I try it on? Oh, it fits perfectly!
Grandmother: That's a nice ring you have.
Alison: Isn't it lovely! Louise gave it to me! Try it on. I bet it will fit you perfectly...oh, it does! Why don't we trade? You can wear mine and I'll wear yours!
Grandmother: How do you know you won't lose it?
Alison: Oh, I promise I won't.
Grandmother: You can't promise that. You have yours and I have mine.
Alison: So much for sharing!
Grandmother: I don't believe in sharing!

MeandMarj: Do I have to get up?

Our morning routine consists of me waking Grandmother up around 6:45 / 7 to have a quick breakfast with me before I head to work... 

Alison: Good morning, Grandmother!

Grandmothers gives me a slight groan...
Grandmother: Ohh...what time is it?

Alison: 6:55 - time for breakfast before I go to work.

Grandmother: Do I have to get up?
Alison: No, you can sleep all day if you'd like.

Grandmother: Will I see you here tonight?

Alison: Yes, I'll be back tonight. Have a great day!
Grandmother: Good night!

MeandMarj: Don't you want a bowl for that ice cream?

Alison: Grandmother, don't you want to eat your ice cream in a bowl?
Grandmother: Nope! Don't haggle me!

MeandMarj: Parting is such sweet sorrow!

We are standing in the window waving goodbye to Steve...

Grandmother: Ah, parting is such sweet sorrow!
Alison: Just like Romeo and Juliet...not exactly sure how "sweet" it is.
Grandmother: It certainly will be quiet around here without a man in the house.

MeandMarj: That thing in the corner!

Alison: Oh, Grandmother, I could bake cookies!
Grandmother: No, you will not.
Alison: Why not?
Grandmother: We have too many sweets! We have this cake to eat and that thing in the corner too!

MeandMarj: You look like a bum!

I walk into the kitchen, ready to go to dinner for Steve's birthday in a white strapless dress...

Grandmother: Well, don't you look all decked out! Where are you going?
Alison: We are going out to dinner for Steve's birthday!
Grandmother turns to Steve who is wearing a button down, tucked in, and jeans.
Steve: Grandma, don't I look nice? See? My shirt is tucked in!
Grandmother: You look like a bum!
Grandmother turns to me...
Grandmother: Alison, you are going to let him go looking like that!
Alison: It's not up to me!

MeandMarj: Want a piece of cake?

Grandmother: Want a piece of cake?
Alison: No, thank you. I'm going for a run.
Grandmother: Ugh! You and your running!
Alison: What's wrong with that?
Grandmother: It's stupid!
Alison: Why is it stupid?
Grandmother: It just is! Want a piece of cake?
Alison: No, thank you.
Grandmother: That's to be expected.
Alison: Why?
Grandmother: 'Cause it will make you fat!

MeandMarj: Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Alison: Steve, how was your day? Tell us!

Steve: Well, my boss kidnapped me and we went to Captain's Cove for a few beers.

Alison: Oh! That sounds sketchy...Grandmother, what do you think about that? Do you approve of Steve's boss taking him to Captain's Cove for beers at lunch?

Grandmother: Oh, Alison, boys will be boys!

Alison: What does that mean?

Grandmother: "Oh, Alison, boys will be boys!"

Steve: Why isn't there an expression, "Girls will be girls"?

Grandmother: Sugar and spice and everything nice!

Steve: That's it?

Grandmother: Oh, it's sugar and spice and everything nice!

MeandMarj: Isn't there any sex?

Dad: Okay, time for me to go home and read my book.
Grandmother: Oh, what book are you reading?
Dad: The Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission Report, an in-depth analysis and review of the recent financial crisis.
Grandmother: That sounds horrible...isn't there any sex?
Alison: Oh my!
Dad: No sex, but there were a lot of CDS'.
Grandmother: What?
Dad: Credit default swaps...lots of credit default swaps...like swapping husbands and wives.
Grandmother: Oh, interesting!

MeandMarj: Don't worry my mother had a flop, too!

Grandmother: When my mother was first married, it was up in Cambridge, Massachusetts. My father was going to MIT. It was snowing like crazy out. It was piling up. And she made a cake...or was it a pie? It was a cake I think. It was a flop. I don't know why but it didn't turn out right. So, she opened up the window and threw it out. Well, it was quickly covered up with the snow. Next spring, when my father was out cleaning out the yard, he comes across this cake and he goes, "Good gracious! How did this cake get out here?" So, she had to confess!
Alison: So, what happened when she confessed?
Grandmother: I don't know. He didn't beat her up or anything. He probably laughed!

MeandMarj: Are you excited for Steve to get here?

Alison: Grandmother, see? This is my blog!
Grandmother: B-L-O-G?
Alison: Exactly! Its my online diary. Are you excited? Steve will be here in an hour!
Grandmother: Oh! That's great! Any man in the house improves things! You should write that down.
Alison: Oh, okay, I will.
Grandmother: Do we need to get him dinner?
Alison: Oh no, we are getting sushi later.
Grandmother: Sushi? What's that?
Alison: Raw fish.

Grandmother strongly reacts to the thought of raw fish!
Grandmother: Even the name is repulsive. I'd rather eat cornflakes!
Alison: Don't worry, Dad is bringing dinner for you!
Grandmother: Oh, okay.

MeandMarj: Steve's Birthday Cake: Take Two

Grandmother: What else did you get at the store?
Alison: Cake mix and frosting for Steve's birthday cake!
Grandmother: How do you know that's what he likes?
Alison: Because he told me. Look at the mess I made of that one...
Grandmother: (laughing) That is the strangest looking cake I have ever seen! I actually have never seen a cake look like that before!
Alison: Well, that's why I'm making another one!
Grandmother looks at the package...

Grandmother: Well, if that girl can make it, you certainly can!

Cake comes out of the oven - not bad - ready to frost

Alison: Okay, Grandmother, I'm going to put this cake on top of this cake, just like this!
Grandmother: Okay.

I've frosted the between layer and placed the other cake on top...

Grandmother: You've already messed it up!
Alison: How? I just asked you if I put that piece on top and you agreed?
Grandmother: You put it on top the wrong way...to me that's common sense. I guess you don't have any.
Alison: What should I do?
Grandmother: Just keep slopping it on there!
Alison: Well, I guess I'll just frost it the way it is.
Grandmother: You are doing a great job!
Alison: Are you making fun of me?
Grandmother: No, you are doing a great job, just like I said.
Dad: Should I have a slice? Just to test it before Steve gets here?
Alison: You can eat that other cake, if you want.

Cake one and cake two...

MeandMarj: I don't approve of that!

I walk in the door from work with a bag from Target....coming home from "jeans Friday" at work...

Grandmother: How was your day?
Alison: Great! I was at work all day. 

Grandmother: You wore that!?!
Alison: Yes, you can wear jeans on Friday.
Grandmother: Well, I don't approve of that! Whatcha got there?
Alison: Presents! Toilet paper and laundry detergent!

Grandmother chuckles...
Grandmother: Those are great presents! You always need toilet paper. How much do I owe you?
Alison: $50.
Grandmother: $50!!! No, really?
Alison: You don't owe me anything! It's the least I can do.
Grandmother: Oh, that's right! You don't pay rent and you do your laundry for free. How much would it cost to do your laundry in one of those machines?
Alison: $5.
Grandmother: $5! That's outrageous! You can do your laundry here for free!
Alison: Thanks, Grandmother!

MeandMarj: I want to know what you're saying about me!

Alison: Grandmother, you are quite popular! Everyone is loving my blog!

Grandmother: Huh? What are you talking about?
Alison: I'm sharing my experience living with you with my friends on the internet.
Grandmother: I don't get it.

Dad: Mom, Alison is sharing her diary with her friends and telling them about living with you.

Grandmother: Well, I want to know what you are saying about me!
Alison: Grandmother, here is the blog. See? The picture of us is on the internet!

Grandmother: So, you need to know how to type to work one of those things.

Alison: Not necessarily, but it's helpful.

Grandmother: Where did you learn to do that? Do they teach you that in school?

Alison: Yes, there was a typing class in 7th grade, about 16 years ago. Didn't you learn to type? You didn't type Grandpa's papers when he was in grad school?

Grandmother: Certainly not!

MandMarj: That is the darndest looking cake I've ever seen!

Grandmother is hunched over staring intently at the cake on the counter...

Grandmother: That is the darndest looking cake I've ever seen! What is it supposed to be?
Alison: It's a chocolate peanut butter cake with Reese's cups on top.
Grandmother: You say, Steve likes this!?!
Alison: Yes, but I don't know what happened to it? I didn't do anything!
Grandmother: Well, that's your problem!
Alison: Well, I guess I couldn't have expected it to come out perfect the first time around, could I?
Grandmother: Yes, you could have! I've never in my life seen anything like this! That is the strangest looking cake!
Alison: I'm going to take a picture.
Grandmother: That's a great idea! Show your grandkids! They won't believe it!

MeandMarj: I don't give a damn!

I took the butter out from the carton and I am about to throw away the carton...

Grandmother: Put the butter back in the carton and into the fridge.

Alison: Grandmother, we don't need this carton, and it takes up space.

Grandmother: It keeps it fresh! Do as I say!

Alison: Did you do as I say? Did you take your pills?

Grandmother: What pills?

Alison: The pills that you are supposed to take every day! I just gave them to you in the living room. Grandmother, you have been really bad about taking your medicine. 

Grandmother: I don't give a damn!